by Lisa Marie Lindenschmidt
“Mo, you just had a salad an hour ago! Why are you eating again?!”
Mo, whose face was shoved in the fridge, now turns to me. Her eyes are ablaze with a look she has crafted over the past year. This look is intended to shoot laser beams and make me question my self-worth. A couple of days, this look has worked; most days I just respond with exasperation.
“Mom! Gah! Duh! Because I’m hungry! Hel-LO! Isn’t that why most people eat?!”
OK, the attitude was annoying, but what was even more annoying was that she was making a valid point. Why was I questioning her hunger? Why do I never ask her to validate her thirst? Where was this coming from? Was I reiterating some old programming taught to me by my gramma? I grabbed some chocolate, got a pen and paper, and went into my room to do some thinking.
What were some of the messages I received as a kid around food consumption?
- My food was doled out to me by the adults and I was expected to clean my plate. If I didn’t get enough to eat, I couldn’t have seconds or I’d get fat. If I was still hungry after dinner, I offered to clean the kitchen so I could munch on leftovers.
- Dinner was eaten with the family – no matter if I was hungry or not.
- If I was hungry, I couldn’t eat until the appointed meal time.
- Snacks were only eaten in the mid-afternoon and could only be an apple or an orange.
- Dessert was only eaten at special occasions and/or only after dinner. Other sweets were eaten in secret.
- Drinks of any variety (i.e., Coke, sweet tea) could be consumed at any time.
In other words, adults determined when I was hungry and what I could eat. My “job” was to do as I was told… and then rebel and eat in secrecy. For me, these messages bred a break in communication between me and my body – something I’ve been working to re-establish for years. These messages also reiterated the power-over dynamic adults often used with children. Food is the ultimate weapon for many adults; withholding as punishment or rewarding with “treats” is a common theme in this culture. So, what would happen if I took the emotions out of play? What would happen if my job was simply to provide a house full of healthy food and let her make decisions around her food consumption? Could I trust that all my education and nurturing had actually sunk in?
Armed with my new experiment, I began the trial the next day. Here was my first observation: Mo went to the fridge and started rifling through, looking for a snack. I bit my tongue and didn’t ask what she was doing or make a snarky comment about her wasting electricity by keeping the door hanging open. I also didn’t say anything about the fact that we’d just finished lunch a half hour ago. I continued doing the dishes. Eventually, she asked me what she could have as a snack.
“What does your body say it needs? A drink or something to eat?” I asked casually.
She did the pre-teen sigh and said, “I don’t know.” And then she closed the door and said, “I think I’m just eating because I’m bored. Maybe I should just make a hot tea. Would you play Uno with me?”
Inside, I was jumping up and down with joy and excitement – for her and for myself. Outside, I said, “Yeah, sure. What kind of tea you want?”
As I was making our cups of tea, I realized that a lot of energy went into worrying about Mo. Have I done enough? Given her the right tools? Been a good enough example? And I think I’m done with putting all that energy into doubting. Today I trusted and today the results were good. And if on some days they aren’t, then I have to trust that we’ll be able to work through it… because I think the education and nurturing has sunk in… for both of us.
Lisa Marie Lindenschmidt is a raw foods chef and teacher and owner of Rite Food and Company (www.ritefoodandcompany.com), which offers workshops on intentional and joyful eating. Lisa Marie and her homeschooled daughter, Mo, record a weekly podcast – called Sweet Peas Podcast – chronicling their raw foods journey together.
We moms have a tough path to walk as we help our daughters navigate the sometimes choppy waters of growing up girl. It’s our job to protect our children and do our best to keep them safe and healthy, yet we also have to allow them to grow, stretch and learn from their own mistakes. It’s a fine line between letting them be who they are and wanting to “tweak” them just a little bit so they don’t suffer from the same mistakes or struggles that we did.
The
Fill up in the day with fresh fruit, veggies and dips, raw soups and flax crackers, raw trail mixes, raw puddings and cereals, salads and garden burgers and zucchini pasta and cabbage burritos and manna bread avocado, tomato, lettuce, cucumber sandwiches or peanut butter/almond/cashew butter with banana.
Yesterday I picked up my daughter, Kim, and granddaughter Hannah, and brought them over to our house for a visit. Just like any other grandma (or mom), my first thought was that they must need to eat; so on the way to our house we stopped at the grocery store to pick up a few things. We went to the produce department first and Hannah picked out a pint of bright red strawberries for her snack. As we browsed the rest of the store she held on to her treat. Later when it was our turn at the cash register Hannah would not release the package and protected it as if her life depended upon it. The cashier had to walk around to the cart where Hannah was sitting so she could scan the price label.
My husband Emrys may even love them more than me. My daughter Ella, will have a whole blender full, if you turn your back, your breakfast is gone!
So Benji and Ella tucked into their green smoothie soups with finely chopped fruit salad on top.
I always do everything. I plan the meals, buy the food, prepare the dishes. I also do all the cleaning, all the bills, and generally just keep the family running. I do it all. My family could not survive without me.
A couple of nights ago I had the luxury to sit uninterrupted and read my book Reconnective Healing by Dr. Eric Pearl. I had just finished the section of the book where he tells an abridged version of Lee Carroll’s The Parable Wo and the Suitcase from his channeled Kyron writings. If you have never read this parable I strongly urge you to do so. Its message is so simple and beautiful.







