by Karen Schachter
We moms have a tough path to walk as we help our daughters navigate the sometimes choppy waters of growing up girl. It’s our job to protect our children and do our best to keep them safe and healthy, yet we also have to allow them to grow, stretch and learn from their own mistakes. It’s a fine line between letting them be who they are and wanting to “tweak” them just a little bit so they don’t suffer from the same mistakes or struggles that we did.
When it comes to healthy eating and a positive body image, this fine line can feel fragile and confusing, particularly if you struggle with these issues yourself.
When I teach workshops or work individually with moms, I am always asked some of the same questions: Should I let my kids have desert every day? How do I deal with their love of sweets? How can I help her stop eating when she’s not hungry anymore? How can I help her lose weight without making her feel bad about her body? How can I help her feel good about her body, no matter what its size? How can I help her feel good about herself and treat herself with respect?
Although I can give concrete “answers” to many of these questions, the truth is, there is no one “right” answer that works for everyone, all the time. There is no “magic bullet” to self-esteem, to body confidence, to self-care, and to inspiring good health in our daughter.
However, there is one piece of the puzzle that is so important, one KEY asset that is SO valuable, and one action that IS within our control…that is more powerful than anything we can say or anything we can feed them.
YOU.
As her mom, the only thing you really have control over (especially as she gets older) is who YOU are BEING and how YOU are negotiating your own health, your own eating, your own body image and your own self –esteem. Are you embodying the actions and feelings that you want her to learn?
Here’s a little food for thought to get you going:
- Next time you notice yourself betwixt and between about an eating habit of your daughter’s, go ahead and check in with yourself: Is there something about that behavior that reminds you of one of your own struggles? (Go ahead and address it in YOURSELF first).
- Imagine that your daughter develops a delicious, nourishing and healthy relationship to food, eating and her body – what will that look like? Go ahead and try out some of those self-nourishing actions for YOURSELF.
- What if food, eating and body image weren’t a concern, for you or for your daughter? What if you had true freedom and peace with these things? What would your energy and attention be focused on instead? (Go ahead and give it a try).
Here’s the thing: Our daughters learn how to live in their bodies and care for themselves with food and in their lives from MANY sources, including the media, their peers, their families, and from all the women in their lives.
I am on a mission – and I invite you to join me – to help change the “face” of what the next generation of girls are learning – and I believe we must first BE THE CHANGE we wish to see in them. (When moms set their minds to something, there is no telling what could happen…)
*** Karen Schachter is a licensed clinical social worker, certified health counselor, and founder of “Dishing With Your Daughter ,” which offers a variety of programs for girls and women. As a psychology of eating expert, Karen is especially passionate about helping the next generation of girls experience nourishment, peace and deliciousness in food, eating and their bodies so they can live a healthy, authentic life. Enough of the angst and struggle! Karen believes in the value of the mom-daughter relationship as a powerful vehicle for creating this change.
The 
Fill up in the day with fresh fruit, veggies and dips, raw soups and flax crackers, raw trail mixes, raw puddings and cereals, salads and garden burgers and zucchini pasta and cabbage burritos and manna bread avocado, tomato, lettuce, cucumber sandwiches or peanut butter/almond/cashew butter with banana.
Yesterday I picked up my daughter, Kim, and granddaughter Hannah, and brought them over to our house for a visit. Just like any other grandma (or mom), my first thought was that they must need to eat; so on the way to our house we stopped at the grocery store to pick up a few things. We went to the produce department first and Hannah picked out a pint of bright red strawberries for her snack. As we browsed the rest of the store she held on to her treat. Later when it was our turn at the cash register Hannah would not release the package and protected it as if her life depended upon it. The cashier had to walk around to the cart where Hannah was sitting so she could scan the price label.
My husband Emrys may even love them more than me. My daughter Ella, will have a whole blender full, if you turn your back, your breakfast is gone!
So Benji and Ella tucked into their green smoothie soups with finely chopped fruit salad on top.
I always do everything. I plan the meals, buy the food, prepare the dishes. I also do all the cleaning, all the bills, and generally just keep the family running. I do it all. My family could not survive without me.
Whether you notice a runny nose, little cough, or just red eyes, these are all signs that your angel might be coming down with something. I have never taken my children’s temperature other than with the palm of my hand on their face, yet as soon as I feel a fever coming on, or any sign that they might be run-down, I stop everything for a moment and think about the last few days, what has been happening in their reality. Have they been staying up late, getting behind in sleep? Has there been celebrations and other functions where they have been eating differently than usual? Has there been any emotional stresses for them lately? Maybe ther is something going onthat they are anxious about…Just reflecting about their SLEEP, DIET and EMOTIONS gives me just about everything I need to know to understand what has been the catalyst for their physical symptoms.
I do not give any fever medication as I know the fever is ‘burning off’ any little critters and is actually a sign their immune system is functional. To thwart this natural response by giving ‘fever medication’ only serves to reduce the SYMPTOMS and their discomfort, but doesn’t strengthen the body. I like the discomfort! Otherwise, they are still running around when what they obviously need is rest. There are natural ways to keep a fever in check, and still allow the body to let Nature take its course; a cool cloth to the forehead, a cool bath in the tub or sponge bath, wearing wet woollen socks that have some lemon juice or lemon essential oil in the water wrapped in a towel while lying in bed, all these methods work to help the fever stay in safe range while it is doing its work.
Step 1:
If you read my last article I mentioned a game of “Try It”.
A couple of nights ago I had the luxury to sit uninterrupted and read my book Reconnective Healing by Dr. Eric Pearl. I had just finished the section of the book where he tells an abridged version of Lee Carroll’s The Parable Wo and the Suitcase from his channeled Kyron writings. If you have never read this parable I strongly urge you to do so. Its message is so simple and beautiful.
