by Joanne
I nearly fell off the ultrasound bed when we discovered I was having twins.
We’d got to the 18-week mark without having an ultrasound (our obstetrician said it wasn’t necessary until then), so seeing two little heartbeats was quite a shock.
The next shock was finding that we were having twin girls. There had been 100 years of boys only in Darren’s family - five generations without a girl. Until the ultrasound, I hadn’t wanted to know the sex of our baby, but when we were told it would be two, I had to know whether they were boys or girls, or a combination!
We spent the next 18 weeks in shock, changing our single-baby plans to accommodate two. How on Earth was I going to handle looking after two babies? I had had first-time-mother daydreams of spending hours gazing into the eyes of my beautiful baby (singular) - how was I going to share myself between two babies at once, giving them all that they needed?
The first few months, and years, were hard. I’m not one of those mothers of multiples who say it was all a breeze. I felt completely overwhelmed. But at the same time, I felt so very, very grateful to have two beautiful, healthy little girls, when I knew that so many women have trouble having even one baby.
So, if you’re a newly expectant mother of twins (and a first-time, inexperienced mother, at that), what advice can I give you?
- Don’t be hard on yourself. My whole “thing” was that I didn’t want my girls (Evie and Bella) to suffer for having been twins - I wanted them to receive the same attention as would a single first-born baby. This was completely unrealistic. Do the best you can on any given day, and know that it’s the best you can do, and that your babes don’t know any different anyway! From day one they’ll be used to sharing your attention, and they’ll always love playing with each other.
- Take help whenever it’s offered.
- Encourage the babies to go down for a sleep at the same time, and let yourself go down for a sleep when they do. I often used to sneak off for quiet time - checking emails and hanging out washing - but then ended up losing out on sleep. Do a quick chore once your babies are asleep, but then commit to laying down with them for 40 winks. Those naps can help even out the lack of night-sleep you might experience in the first few months.
- If you don’t have enough milk to breastfeed both babies (which happened for me), formula bottle feed one baby one day, and breastfeed the other baby. Then swap babies the next day. It’s helpful to feed both babies at once - having one baby in a rocker beside your chair means you can feed her or him with a bottle while you breastfeed the other baby. (Extra note: don’t feel at all guilty if you don’t have enough breastmilk for both, or even for one. Caring for twins can be exhausting, and depleting. You’re doing a fabulous job!)
- If one baby is crying and you’re attending to the other, sing! Or just talk soothingly to the upset baby, reassuring him or her that you’ll be there very soon.
- Dress identical twins differently. It not only helps you tell them apart each day, but it’s better for their self-concept as they grow - they then know they’re individuals. (But some of those matching twin outfits are cute!)
- Get out for a walk every day, with your double pram or stroller. It helps avoid cabin fever, and gives you all some gorgeous fresh air. For extra points, try pushing the pram up a hill!
- Eat well, and drink plenty of water. (Goes without saying!)
- Make sure you take time every day to just sit and watch them play. It’s delightful to watch them interact - Bella once rolled over towards Evie and tried to suckle her nose, thinking it was a nipple!
- Make ‘you time’ a priority, with at least one outing on your own, every week. Get your hair cut. Window shop. Go for a walk. Visit a museum or bookstore. Stop to smell the roses, and magnolias, and freesias…
For extra support, consider becoming a part of your local twins’ club or multiple-birth association - although I’d also recommend being part of a community of mums of single babies, so that your children get used to being surrounded by ’singletons’.
Here are some web resources that might come in handy:
http://www.twin-pregnancy-and-beyond.com/resources-for-twins.html
My girls are now seven years old, and it’s all so much easier. There are new challenges with every age, but there are also the beautiful delights of watching your children grow, and of witnessing the indescribable bond that they have with each other.
If you’re a first-time mum who’s soon due to have twins, just know that you have an amazing experience ahead of you. Double blessings to you!
Love Raw Mom Joanne
Joanne is the author of Monkey Mike’s Raw Food Kitchen - an Uncook Book for Kids - inspired by her two little girls.
Tags: motherhood, new parents, tips, twins
Love the sucking the nose thing! So cute! You’re an amazing Mom, Jo! Thanks SO much for being here and sharing your wisdom with us!
Thanks Tera! Love Jo XX